College Jolt

Each year you always seem to hear, “Christmas starts earlier and earlier.”  I don’t know if I ever noticed that to be true, until this year.  As a demographic who is either still on mommy and daddy’s paycheck or can apply for those magical pieces of plastic that make you part of this statistic, college students are a highly targeted group for retailers.  Christmas is already bleeding through the crack between Halloween and Thanksgiving.  The bells and merry cheer are slowly working themselves into each and every commercial break I see.  Listen Christmas, I like you just as much as the next Jewish guy, but move over, Thanksgiving is a great holiday. (more…)

I really wish there was a Grammar Police.  I would join the force without hesitation.  Although, I admit that I often respond to the trivial ”how are ya?” with ” i’m good”.  Tisk Tisk.  That’s actually horrible grammar.  The correct response would be ” i’m well “.  But i’ll spare myself the ticket because there are other people out there that should not only be fined, but JAILED for their abuse of grammar.  I thought college was an institution of higher learning? Friends, colleagues, associates- they seem to be proving that theory wrong.

So please, if you’re (notice how I spelled that - YOU ‘ RE) one of those who just doesn’t remember 5th grade English, that’s ok!  But at least DO something about it:

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As much as I hate Christmas, I love it just the same.  The snow, the decorations, the food.  And just when I think my Ebenezer ways are long gone and my heart grows to three times its normal size, Hollywood side swipes my Christmas spirit with an awful film.  Why, Hollywood, Why?!  As though I don’t have enough stress.  Are you feeling neglected during the Holiday Season and willing to do anything to pull the focus back on you- no matter how terrible?

Think of the worst gift you ever received.  I bet it doesn’t top these Hollywood ‘you shouldn’t haves’:

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Can’t seem to find the perfect gift?  Scared that your choice is going to be a ‘you shouldn’t have’?  I know, I worry every year.  If you can’t think of anything practical, and the person hasn’t given you guidelines or even a hint as to their wish list, humor never fails.

Here are some gag gifts to dish out this season:

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Maybe you’ve had the experience with a terrible neighbor, co-worker, or friend. Maybe you haven’t, but either way we can all find humor and entertainment on the website passiveaggressivenotes.com. Allowing people to send in their own notes, Passive Aggressive Notes Boasts an array of “painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings” While some are more aggressive and others more passive, they’re ALL hilarious. Here our some of my favorites:

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As if it wasn’t irritating enough to have 50 commercials aired during your favorite show but apparently it’s also necessary that some of them be uber annoying, obnoxious, stupid, or all of the above. Although Billy Mays (pictured) comes to mind here I’m going to leave him out of this for now. He’s kind of in a category of his own. I’m also going to leave out the fact that he convinced me Oxi Clean really does work. Apparently I’m a sucker, so before I get into talking about how I want to buy a ShamWow now, here’s 5 commercials I will be happy if I never see again:

1. Glade Plug-In - “And  yes, it’s Glade.” Really? I had no idea. You really had me fooled…not.
2. Ovaltine - No, no more Ovaltine PLEASE. At least not until they hire a new ad agency. I think Ovaltine missed that memo that it’s 2008 and ads this cheesy aren’t going to fly anymore.
3. Head On- I know repetition is supposed to help us remember the brand but it’s not going to do any good if I throw my shoe at the TV and break it before the commercial is finished.
4. NuvaRing- You stupid, stupid song get out of my head. That’s all I have to say about this one.
5. Volkswagon - It only took until about the 5th time before I actually understood what this commercial was about. Getting pregnant in order to enjoy some German engineering? I mean it’s kind of funny once you understand it but the commercials still annoy me.

Now that the hostility is out of the way I’d like to give a shout out to one of my favorite commercials: Starburst Berries and Cream. Some people find this ad to be one of the most annoying but I beg to differ. I was one of those people who watched it repeatedly on YouTube and would be slightly tempted to reenact the song and dance myself. (and by tempted I mean I totally did)

Got a commercial that annoys you? Do share!

Looking to start a new Thanksgiving tradition now that you are older? Try getting the family to partake in a drinking game- Thanksgiving style! You can have them take a shot or just a sip of their festive cocktail in order to play. (If you ask me, jello shots would be the most appropriate alternative) Whichever you choose just pass out the beverages and drink every time someone says one of the following phrases:

1. “Can you pass the (insert any food item here)?”
2. “White or dark meat?
3. “Just a small piece.”
4. “Mmm…I love (again, any food item)”
5. “How’s school going?”
6. “This is really good.” (or any other compliments to the host)
7. “Would anybody like any more…?” (This could be anything)
8. “I’m going to need a nap after this.”
9. “What’s the score?” (referring to football)
10. And the most obvious which I cannot pass up-”I’m so full!”

Of course you can include any variations of these or add to the list depending on how drunk you are trying to get your family. If you can more accurately predict something a family member(s) would say then make up your own list. However you choose to play the game doesn’t matter because either way, it’s bound to be a good time! What would you add to this list?

Photo courtesy of Cocktail Times

The thought of finals week makes me cringe. Really, really unhappily cringe. I mean, do we need an entire week of torture? If you’re anything like me you’re plagued with the I-always-have-a- final-on-the-last-possible-day-after -everyone-is-gone curse. AWESOME! But let’s not be too pessimistic. We do have winter break to look forward to. A few weeks of freedom! A few weeks of reuniting with old friends! A few weeks of mom’s home-cooking! A few weeks of holidays and presents galore! Basically, a few weeks to do whatever we want.

This is the perfect time to catch up on all the blockbuster hits in theaters. ‘Cause I know you didn’t have time between studying for finals. And if you did… you might have a problem. Anyway, winter break is coming and it’ll soon be time to grab a pal, splurge on some 24987382$ popcorn/candy/soda, and check out a good flick. Here’s a few I will most definitely be checking out:

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It’s finally f#%@ing Friday and here are some headlines to  help the day go by on your way to the best night of a college student’s week.

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Some high school dance team in Texas gave their dance opponents cupcakes…cute right…well not if they’re laced with rat poison?!

5 picks up lines that could actually increase your chances of not waking up alone…again.

In a utterly shocking move, President Bush gave…the shocker?!

Want to know how much Facebook spends each month keeping you entertained?

Mexico City will distribute FREE Viagra to residents age 70+! Viiiivvvvaaa Viagra.

The pregnant man (but still kinda woman?)  is pregers…again! Video here…if you dare.

Canadian man release before he finished serving his sentence.  Found not guilty?  Nope, he was too fat.

Instant cancer?

(photo courtesy of http://www.funnypicturefunnyphoto.com)

Bundling up to protect yourself from the cold winter weather doesn’t have to mean being less fashionable than any other time of year. Maybe bulky layers isn’t one of the sexiest looks but with the right accessories you can make it work. So what accessories should you adorn yourself with this season? These 5 fashion trends are a good place to start plus they will help to keep you warm:

1. Eternity Scarf - There are several ways to wear this scarf. You can drape it around your neck to wear it as a normal scarf, wrap it around your shoulders like a shawl, or even pull it over your head to create an impromptu hood.
2. Arm Warmers - Also, fingerless gloves and long sleeved gloves. These 80’s looks are making a comeback.
3. Bomber Hats - I don’t care how silly this hat looks because it appears as though it would be incredibly warm. Actually, after looking at it for a little while I might go as far as to say this look is kind of cute.
4. Over the Knee Boots - This look no longer just belongs to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I’m seeing more and more over-the-knee boots in everyday life and I’ve got to say that they’re growing on me.
5. Tights - If you insist on wearing a dress or just have to for some reason then you can complete the look with some embellishing tights. You can make a fashion statement and keep your legs warm at the same time. This look came in when it was little warmer out but I don’t see any need for it to go away yet. The options are endless between all the colors, patterns, prints, and kinds of lace tights that are available now. If you want to get really crazy you can check out these funky designs.

Pick and choose as you will from this list. Choosing all 5 at the same time may not be the best way to go but hey, to each his own. Which trend do you think you’ll be likely to follow this season? And which one will you avoid like the plague?

Photo courtesy of Kataphileo.com